No Matter How Long

The photo was taken 11 years ago. Me and My Mom.

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3 days ago, I was really sick. I came from school and when I got home my aunty, my niece, and my niece’s nanny were the only ones at home. The two were too busy taking care of the baby and nobody would believe me that I wasn’t feeling very well. I know to myself that I was sick because I feel colder than usual and my head feels like it was being crush by something I do not know. No one would take care of me at that moment, so I went straight to my Mom’s bed. Technically it’s my Dad’s bed now, but I still call it my Mom’s bed because it is what I’ve gotten use to. I wanted to sleep I really did but I couldn’t and I suddenly felt like crying. I suddenly thought about my Mom and how she would take care of me when I was sick.

It’s been 23 months, 103 weeks, 721 days, and 17304 hours since my Mom died. That would be almost 2 years ago and I couldn’t understand but I suddenly felt sad and I cried quietly while I was lying on the bed. I didn’t know if it was the fact that I was sick at that time or I just really felt like I miss my mom. Honestly, I thought I got over my mom’s death but I guess I didn’t.

I realized that no matter how long it is, when you lose an important person… You will still cry no matter what. When you remember all the memories and what could have been when he/she was still alive would matter. I miss my Mom, I really do but I know even if she’s gone she is still with me right now guiding me every step of the way. Sometimes, I wish I could say that somehow until now I’m still dreaming about the fact that my mom is dead but I can’t. It’s just how it is. I cannot change anything but I can keep living. Right now, I’m still a little bit sick but I try to be happy and energetic as always. Life is still about being Happy even though sometimes we experience a little bit of pain.

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6 thoughts on “No Matter How Long

  1. Hi, have just found your blog and love it. I found it through a comment you’ve left from an inspirational blogs page. So sorry to hear about your mum. I agree with what you say and think that we should smile when things aren’t good. After a time to reflect, there is always hope. Good luck with your studies and keep posting on your blog. (sadly my dad passed away nearly 30 years ago, when I was 16. I still miss him dearly but the wonderful memories of him will never go away)
    🙂

    1. Thank you so much Mike. You are the first one to ever leave a comment here in my new blog. I’m not much of a writer right now but I will try to post if I can.. Im happy to know that i have found a person who can relate to what I feel about losing someone very dear to me.. Thank You 🙂 You gave me inspiration to post more about life and being happy… 🙂

  2. I do believe it was very courageous of you to even have the guts to share this kind of topic. someone’s death especially a mother’s is really not something one can be happy or feel nothing about. They say the worst pain you can ever feel is from a death of a family and if you’re able to overcome it, then you will surely overcome everything.
    i know this is quite cliche but you’re mother would be so proud of you if she could see you now.
    just a suggestion, try to make the first step nest time, if you dont feel good if you’re sick, try to tell them nicely, try to explain to them your side carefully. make them understand that even you have your limit. it’s not good to just keep it all to yourself. share. let them know how you feel.

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